Friday night I took my chip at my home group. It’s a C/A meeting with a large turnout every Friday. I was excited all week about my sobriety birthday and really looking forward to my home group meeting. But when I arrived Friday night it felt like I was in a mental blank spot. I looked at that large crowd and knew I had to go up front and say something that made sense. I realized I’d left my brain at home. Amazing how powerful fear can be.
I usually don’t have a problem sharing in a meeting. I‘ve shared from the podium and done speaker meetings. But for some reason Friday night was different. My mental slate was wiped clean; all the usual yada-yada was gone. I started to panic a little as they did the readings and it got closer to the time for chips. I signaled for my sponsor to meet me out in the hall. I told him how much fear I was feeling and he asked why. I told him because my mind was blank and I didn’t know what I was going to say up there. He pointed out that there were at least a dozen newcomer women that had identified. He said maybe my mind was cleared out so that God could speak through me... Duh. It went great.
I usually don’t have a problem sharing in a meeting. I‘ve shared from the podium and done speaker meetings. But for some reason Friday night was different. My mental slate was wiped clean; all the usual yada-yada was gone. I started to panic a little as they did the readings and it got closer to the time for chips. I signaled for my sponsor to meet me out in the hall. I told him how much fear I was feeling and he asked why. I told him because my mind was blank and I didn’t know what I was going to say up there. He pointed out that there were at least a dozen newcomer women that had identified. He said maybe my mind was cleared out so that God could speak through me... Duh. It went great.
