Wednesday, May 30, 2007


We are leaving on a big jet plane for the island of Maui to celebrate recovery at Maui Fest IV, This celebration of sobriety and aloha takes place on the beautiful Ka'anapali, South Maui Coast. After the AA convention we will stay on for another two weeks of rest and relaxation. I am soooooo blessed. If someone had described my life to me as it is today, 14 years ago, I never would have believed it was possible. I believe in miracles.
I'm taking my camera , my laptop and my Big Book, so Aloha.........I'll keep in touch.

Monday, May 28, 2007


Lucy had a play date this weekend with my brother’s dog Max. She has a hard time sharing her toys. She got very fierce every time Max wanted something that is hers. We renamed her Pool Shark.

I was thinking about the whole concept of sharing….sharing toys, and sharing in a meeting. They aren’t so different really. We have something that we think is ours (alone) and we don’t always want to give it up.

Of course we learn over time that there are a lot of good reasons to share, but just like with kids, it’s often hard in the beginning. It’s all about facing the fear and trusting the process.

What I have learned is that when I do “give it up” in a meeting, I get back more than I give. Our issues (and our victories) may be cloaked in a myriad of different circumstances, but underneath everything it turns out we are all walking the same path.

I’m off to my Monday night women’s meeting. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to share.

Saturday, May 26, 2007


Many birds fly in a V formation when they are migrating. The theory is that the strongest birds assume the front position, so that others may benefit from the draft of their air currents.

The entire experience of working a 12 program is a migration. A migration away from our old way of thinking and living to a new freedom and tolerance for ourselves and others. If we are painstaking about the effort we put into our program, the promises on page 83 and 84 of the Big Book assure us that “our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.”

My sponsor, David S. celebrated 21 years of sobriety this week. I have been drafting along on his currents for awhile now. I have changed alot while he has been working with me. He might argue that he’s not my sponsor. He doesn’t like that word. He’s quick to point out that the program, in it’s purest form, makes no mention of sponsorship; only that we “work with others” and be willing to carry the message.

He also tells me that we get as much help from everybody as we can. That’s true too. I have a wonderful woman that I also call a sponsor, and a group of long term sobriety women that I call my “tribe,” and of course there is the cyber community of bloggers that support me daily.

But David is the heart and soul of the program I work today. He has taken me on a spiritual journey that I would not have embarked on, or understood, alone. He keeps me centered, reminds me that God is in charge, and isn’t afraid to laugh at my shortcomings.

Happy Birthday David, I hope I can draft along on his wings for many more years.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Friends FUR-EVER

When I arrived home from Yosemite there was an email from fellow blogger Two Dogs Blogging saying she was in town for a conference. She was at the Disneyland Hotel, so I grabbed a quick shower and picked her up for dinner and girl talk.

One of the best parts about blogging (for me) is that I have met some people in the cyber-community that I feel just might be friends forever. Maybe it is because we express ourselves primarily in writing, or maybe it is because many of us work a 12 step program, but whatever the reason, sometimes the communication between us is “richer”, more “heartfelt”. As I was on my way to pick her up I wondered if it would be that way in person, or would it be somehow awkward? Well, what I learned is a friend, is a friend, is a friend. I’ve never even seen her picture but I spotted her immediately when she came out of the hotel. That was my friend.

We talked the night away, until the time difference had her nodding. We talked like we have known each other forever. What an amazing deal this recovery thing is. We come together and:
there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. BB pg 17

I dropped her back at the hotel with promises to see each other again when time and or circumstances allow. Last I saw of her she was standing under a giant Mickey Mouse statue pointing to the sign that said “Don’t Climb On Mickey”. I have a feeling she might have, the minute my car was out of sight.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Home From The Hills

We’re home from Yosemite. We had a great time, what an amazing place. We stayed at a campground called Kelty Meadows, outside of the park itself. It was quiet and serene, we had the place mostly to ourselves. I loved the surroundings, cooking outdoors, sitting by the campfire, seeing zillions of stars and doing morning meditation in the meadow. I hated the outhouse.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I Lift Up My Eyes

As the body can fail its purpose for lack of nourishment, so can the soul. We all need the light of God's reality, the nourishment of His strength, and the atmosphere of His grace. From Step 11 Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

Patrick and I are heading up to Yosemite for nourishment of our souls and our marriage. I’m not sure a tent is the ideal setting, but if you’re looking for “the light of God’s reality” then Yosemite is the perfect spot. This is a picture he took on his last trip to the valley.

It’s not easy being married to me. And let me tell you, it’s sure not easy being married to Patrick. But for almost eleven years now, we’ve walked together, for better or worse, and it’s been one of the greatest blessings in my life. I think the rewards of being in a relationship with someone who is also in recovery probably outweigh the challenges. But the challenges can be, well, challenging. We both can be stubborn, self obsessed, unpredictable and selfish. On the other hand, we both are understanding and tolerant of the whole concept of character defects rearing their ugly heads. We’ve learned that timing is important. I’m loving and tolerant on his bad days, and he’s there for me when I melt down. We try to “practice the principals” in our home. We each have our own program, and work hard at respecting each other’s privacy. But there’s a 3rd program here, the program of the relationship.

After a few years of practice at this relationship deal we have also come to understand the emotional hangovers it talks about in the 10th step of the 12 and 12. But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether we are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excesses of negative emotion--anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers. We’ve had our share of those lately. So we are going back to basics. A little time together, a little 10th step work as a couple.
Many of us also like the experience of an occasional retreat from the outside world where we can quiet down for an undisturbed day or so of self-overhaul and meditation.

So…..we’re gonna go bond in a tent, under the stars. I’ll worry about bears and wish I was at a spa and Patrick will sleep like a baby. But over the weekend I bet we’ll have some memorable moments and come home happy, joyous and free.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Curve Balls

Today I Want To Be Ready For Whatever Is Thrown My Way
Onward On The Journey
"The progression of recovery is a continuous uphill journey"
NA Basic Text, p. 79

The longer we stay clean, the steeper and narrower our path seems to become. But God doesn't give us more than we can handle. No matter how difficult the road becomes, no matter how narrow, how winding the turns, there is hope. That hope lies in our spiritual progression.

If we keep showing up at meetings and staying clean, life gets... well, different. The continual search for answers to life's ups and downs can lead us to question all aspects of our lives. Life isn't always pleasant. This is when we must turn to our Higher Power with even more faith. Sometimes all we can do is hold on tight, believing that things will get better.

In time, our faith will produce understanding. We will begin to see the "bigger picture" of our lives. As our relationship with our Higher Power unfolds and deepens, acceptance becomes almost second nature. No matter what happens as we walk through recovery, we rely on our faith in a loving Higher Power and continue onward.

Just for today: I accept that I don't have all the answers to life's questions. Nonetheless, I will have faith in the God of my understanding and continue on the journey of recovery. Just For Today May 13

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Courage & Acceptance

My niece Marly is somebody really special. She joined the Air Force and served her country flying around in those giant AWAC planes that look like flying fortresses. I think back on her teenage years, freckle faced and strong willed, dealing with all of the challenges that our kids are faced with; and I marvel at the woman she has become.
Marly met and married her husband Jason who is also in the Air Force. They both have been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan multiple times. The separations are hard, although it seems they have found acceptance, and their love and marriage endures what it must. My sister worries. She planted red, white and blue containers of flowers in my backyard when the war started and put flags in the planters. The flowers bloom each year. The flags are very faded and tattered now, but we will not remove them until this God-awful mess is over.

I thought I would share an email from Jason.

Subject: my day out
Date: Wed, 2 May 2007 07:14:29 -0400
From: Jason

Here are some pics from me going out today. Us driving out on these dinky roads, a big village we passed (almost everything is made of mud, crap and straw here), my new friends (school children), and a panoramic shot of the view (the grassy area in the foreground is an old minefield from back in the day, the roads are clear though).
We went to the school on a humanitarian visit and stayed a while. The kids were really cool and had been trying to learn English. One taught me how to spell my name and we taught them how to play rock, paper, scissors and the hand slapping game. Once we broke out the toys and shoes things got way too crazy though. I saw some kids get the beat down. These kids beg for ink pens and water, you through a soccer ball and shoes out there and they lose their minds. It’s probably equivalent to throwing about $5,000 in a crowd in the states.

Well, that’s what I did today.

After my sister received this she started gathering crayons and coloring books to include in her next package to Jason. Sometimes all you can do, is wait, try to help others, and ask God to Bless them all.

Saturday, May 05, 2007


I need to take a short break from blogging

I'll be back Wed or Thursday

God Bless You till Then!

Thursday, May 03, 2007


I thought you might like to meet my Inner Child
She trusts me to take of her today

This program and ALL OF YOU teach me how to do that
She sends her love..............

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Lovin Life Again

I can honestly say I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’ve been down and out for almost a week now with a cough and a fever. I’ve managed it to make it to my meetings and put a few days in at work, but for the most part I’ve been laying around in my pj’s wishing I felt better. I remember when I thought it would be heaven to lay around all day with no responsibilities. After a week of daytime TV and unending boredom I’m looking forward to diving back into my life again.

Striking the right balance between our physical and spiritual aspects is one of the most challenging aspects of existence. We are dual beings by nature, spiritual entities bound to earth by physical bodies. In our lifetimes, we are charged with the duty of nurturing and tending both with equal devotion and love. Yet while both aspects of the self are deserving of honor and respect, there is a tendency for people who are more spiritually focused to ignore, avoid, or dismiss their bodies. Similarly, many individuals are entirely ensconced in the carnal realm and pay no attention to the needs of the soul. In both cases, an adjustment is in order. We are whole only to the degree that we embrace both sides of our beings
Daily Om