Practicing faith is not easy. It doesn’t come naturally to me. Often my first inclination when I am faced with a problem is to either start frantically searching for a solution OR ignore it. Either way, the “go to” emotion is fear. It takes a fair amount of wheel spinning and gut wrenching before I am brought to my knees. I wish I could say it wasn’t that way, but unfortunately the truth is sometimes I forget about God when I’m in fear.
Ignoring a problem used to be a personal favorite. Telephones and mailboxes = BAD. Authority Figures = WORSE. When I first got sober my sponsor had to help me open month’s worth of mail. I just couldn’t face it. Collection notices, unpaid bills, nasty letters, even casual letters asking about my well being; it was more than I could emotionally face alone. My survival skill had been ignoring it, now I had to take baby steps and deal with it. Baby steps. One day at a time. This program tells us we are “never alone.” I survived. I tried practicing faith, I did some footwork and my Higher Power provided.
Now days, I don’t often ignore a problem, but I do get into self will searching for solution. I am working on reminding myself that solution is in surrender. So what is surrender? Well, for me, it is asking myself what is God’s will for me in any given situation. And what is God’s will for me? It is that I apply the 12 principles in all my affairs. Honesty, Hope, Faith, Courage, Integrity, Willingness, Humility, Brotherly Love, Justice, Perseverance, Spirituality and Service. I wish I could get it through my head that every decision, every dilemma, every challenge can be surrendered to God when my motives include God’s will for me. Ah, Sweet Surrender.
Ignoring a problem used to be a personal favorite. Telephones and mailboxes = BAD. Authority Figures = WORSE. When I first got sober my sponsor had to help me open month’s worth of mail. I just couldn’t face it. Collection notices, unpaid bills, nasty letters, even casual letters asking about my well being; it was more than I could emotionally face alone. My survival skill had been ignoring it, now I had to take baby steps and deal with it. Baby steps. One day at a time. This program tells us we are “never alone.” I survived. I tried practicing faith, I did some footwork and my Higher Power provided.
Now days, I don’t often ignore a problem, but I do get into self will searching for solution. I am working on reminding myself that solution is in surrender. So what is surrender? Well, for me, it is asking myself what is God’s will for me in any given situation. And what is God’s will for me? It is that I apply the 12 principles in all my affairs. Honesty, Hope, Faith, Courage, Integrity, Willingness, Humility, Brotherly Love, Justice, Perseverance, Spirituality and Service. I wish I could get it through my head that every decision, every dilemma, every challenge can be surrendered to God when my motives include God’s will for me. Ah, Sweet Surrender.
10 comments:
I've found that I no longer want to deal with a lot of things that I used to juggle. I also don't want to return calls somedays or open mail or read the newspaper. I just want to immerse myself in doing the fun things that I want to do. That is running away but some days I just need to do that. Then I turn it over, get a grip,and become responsible again.
Thank goodness you don't have to live that way anymore. Now I trust the majority of the time ou enjoy the phone calls and mail in the mail box because you are keeping your life aligned with the help of your HP and your willingness.
I did this with the phone recently and my emails. Yikes. so glad not to have all that piling up.
You are beautiful!
oh girl....ya know what? When I first got sober, my sponsor and I sat down together and went thru all my unopened mail..just like you. I'm always amazed at how similar we all are. I still have those kinds of "fear" problems ALL THE TIME...but..they don't overwhelm me any more...they just delay my actions taking for a few days. I'm OK with progress.
Ijust found your blog. I too have difficulty practicing faith. I don't have difficulting believing but I don't have practice surrendering. I know He's there, I always have but I haven't really consulted with him on a regular basis and certainly I never turned it over before. My praying has always begun, Please God... I'm working on what that all means. Now, I just keep repeating the mantras "Thy Will Be Done" and "Thank You." I think I'm learning that praying isn't asking its trusting. It's all I can do right now untl I learn the rest. But I guess that's what the word practice is all about. Keep on doing it and I pray that someday it just become a part of my fabric.
Great post, comments too. I just read the 3rd step over again in the BB & 12X12, it sunk in a little more this time. We can open the door with willingness, & our self will can shut it again. If we keep progressing, it opens more. I had to surrender some things I let pile up. I do that all the time. I needed help with my sponsor too, to organize things in my apart. I had piles all over. We are so similar, I was helped by your post & comments today. Thank you for that.
I know what you mean, but when you find him or her you will find he or she has always been there.
well done on applying the 12 principles.
Beautiful post! This is right on...Hugs.
I usually get pretty beaten up before I choose to surrender. You would think this old dog could learn a new trick or two....
interesting post. i found this site talked a lot about surrender to god at www.gitananda.org from both the Hindu and Christian perspective. thought you may enjoy it.
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