We brought home toys for the pups. Since Charlie is still recovering from his coyote attack he got the best one: this rubber (pirate) chicken. Of course he loves it; it has a great howly squeaker. And, of course, Lucy keeps stealing it.
Why do we sometimes crave something that isn’t ours, something forbidden, something we aren’t entitled to, and shouldn’t even be thinking about? Apparently this is somewhat of a natural instinct. Sometimes this instinct, left unchecked, goes out of control and all hell breaks loose. In the case of my dogs, there’s a lot of growling and tugging over a rubber chicken. But when it happens with people, the behavior is usually more devious, more complex, and more destructive. It talks about this in the 12 and 12, 4th Step Chapter. Our desires for sex, for material and emotional security, and for an important place in society often tyrannize us. When thus out of joint, man's natural desires cause him great trouble, practically all the trouble there is. No human being, however good, is exempt from these troubles.
“Practically all the trouble there is” Yep. There’s trouble brewing in my neck of the woods. A couple of people in my home group are involved in a little “flirtation,” a “fling”, a “romance”? No, a “lust-mance” (You taste like honey, honey, Tell me can I be your honey.) She is young, lovely, sweet, vulnerable, and relatively new to sobriety. He is, well how can I describe him? Only one word comes to mind: Married.
So far this whole sticky situation is a “secret”. But I feel like I’m watching trains coming at each other. I shudder to think of the consequences when they collide. His wife goes to our meetings too. Everyone involved is a loving and loved member of our home group. I’m imagining our “atmosphere of recovery” being shattered by gossip, torn allegiances and a whole lot of pain and suspicion.
What am I going to do as I watch the trains on their collision course? Nothing. It’s their program, and noone is asking me to jump in. I have my own program to worry about. I wish I could control it, I feel like natural instinct’s have gone awry, and are about to tyrannize us all! I have no judgment for the people involved. It saddens me, because I would imagine that the feelings and issues that would allow someone to be unfaithful in a marriage are extremely close to the same issues that lead to relapse. We have drunk to escape the guilt of passions, and then have drunk again to make more passions possible.
If I get all worked up about this and take it to my sponsor he will ask me “Who's in charge?” Of course I believe the answer to that is God, and I am not God. So I’m sad, but when I pause, I’m not too worried. The 13th Step has been around a long long time. Apparently people survive.
Today, I'm free
This brought me to the good healthy realization that there were plenty of situations left in the world over which I had no personal power--that if I was so ready to admit that to be the case with alcohol, so I must make the same admission with respect to much else. I would have to be still and know that He, not I, was God. As Bill Sees It, page 114
Why do we sometimes crave something that isn’t ours, something forbidden, something we aren’t entitled to, and shouldn’t even be thinking about? Apparently this is somewhat of a natural instinct. Sometimes this instinct, left unchecked, goes out of control and all hell breaks loose. In the case of my dogs, there’s a lot of growling and tugging over a rubber chicken. But when it happens with people, the behavior is usually more devious, more complex, and more destructive. It talks about this in the 12 and 12, 4th Step Chapter. Our desires for sex, for material and emotional security, and for an important place in society often tyrannize us. When thus out of joint, man's natural desires cause him great trouble, practically all the trouble there is. No human being, however good, is exempt from these troubles.
“Practically all the trouble there is” Yep. There’s trouble brewing in my neck of the woods. A couple of people in my home group are involved in a little “flirtation,” a “fling”, a “romance”? No, a “lust-mance” (You taste like honey, honey, Tell me can I be your honey.) She is young, lovely, sweet, vulnerable, and relatively new to sobriety. He is, well how can I describe him? Only one word comes to mind: Married.
So far this whole sticky situation is a “secret”. But I feel like I’m watching trains coming at each other. I shudder to think of the consequences when they collide. His wife goes to our meetings too. Everyone involved is a loving and loved member of our home group. I’m imagining our “atmosphere of recovery” being shattered by gossip, torn allegiances and a whole lot of pain and suspicion.
What am I going to do as I watch the trains on their collision course? Nothing. It’s their program, and noone is asking me to jump in. I have my own program to worry about. I wish I could control it, I feel like natural instinct’s have gone awry, and are about to tyrannize us all! I have no judgment for the people involved. It saddens me, because I would imagine that the feelings and issues that would allow someone to be unfaithful in a marriage are extremely close to the same issues that lead to relapse. We have drunk to escape the guilt of passions, and then have drunk again to make more passions possible.
If I get all worked up about this and take it to my sponsor he will ask me “Who's in charge?” Of course I believe the answer to that is God, and I am not God. So I’m sad, but when I pause, I’m not too worried. The 13th Step has been around a long long time. Apparently people survive.
Today, I'm free
This brought me to the good healthy realization that there were plenty of situations left in the world over which I had no personal power--that if I was so ready to admit that to be the case with alcohol, so I must make the same admission with respect to much else. I would have to be still and know that He, not I, was God. As Bill Sees It, page 114
